Not this again

I'm so fat! I'm not being dramatic. I feel so heavy.
I ate all weekend. With the intention off fasting this week and I haven't stopped eating. I got home at 5:30 this afternoon with nothing in my tummy... not even hungry but I havent stopped eating since... its midnight.
 Ugh!
Deffinately fasting tomorrow.

I'm getting my hair done tomorrow. And today I bought a cute dress at hot topic to wear to the fashion show in chicago in 2 weeks. It's an extra small (the small was too big :) But I feel fat in it. So 10 lbs in 2 weeks... think it can do it. Or at least be at 110. I'm probably back up to my start weight because of the last 3 days :\

I wonder if i can fast through the rest of the week?

Great news though. I'm house sitting and the fridge is stocked with heathly vegan food and a treadmill down stairs :D.

<3 Halley

What else is wrong with you???

So I have a confession to make...
Apart from being Anorexic/Bulimic...
I often take sleeping pills and drink a couple energy drinks with them.
If you've ever smoked pot, the high is basically the same but stronger and you don't get hungry. And the morning after you feel like shit all day and don't wanna eat anything... but i did. I just ate a king size hershey's with almonds bar in record time. 320 cals. Ugh but now I feel like total and complete shit!

Anyway, I told you all that I was doing the ABC diet. If you don't know what that is, it's short for Ana Boot Camp. It doesn't seem that hard. But usually once I start eating I can't stop. But lately that hasn't been happening. These days I can't even finish my food. And when I do I throw it all up. 

The ABC diet is 6 weeks long and you're supposed to loose about 50 pounds. It'll probably be shorter for me though for a couple reasons.
1) If I lost 50 lbs I'd weigh about 73 lbs... At the moment thats just too thin.
2)I'll end up adding more fasting days... I think theres only one fasting day a week or something.

Here's the original. I'll switch it up as I go.



OFFICIAL ABC DIET


WEEK #1
Day 1: 500 calories (or less)
Day 2: 500 calories (or less)
3: 300 calories
4: 400 calories
5: 100 calories
6: 200 calories
7: 300 calories

WEEK #2
8: 400 calories
9: 500 calories
10: Fast
11: 150 calories
12: 200 calories
13: 400 calories
14: 350 calories

WEEK#3
15: 250 calories
16: 200 calories
17: Fast
18: 200 calories
19: 100 calories
20: Fast
21: 300 calories

WEEK #4
22: 250 calories
23: 200 calories
24: 150 calories
25: 100 calories
26: 50 calories
27: 100 calories
28: 200 calories

WEEK #5
29: 200 calories
30: 300 calories
31: 800 calories
32: Fast
33: 250 calories
34: 350 calories
35: 450 calories

WEEK # 5
36: Fast
37: 500 calories
38: 450 calories
39: 400 calories
40: 350 calories
41: 300 calories
42: 250 calories

WEEK #6
43: 200 calories
44: 200 calories
45: 250 calories
46: 200 calories
47: 300 calories
48: 200 calories
49: 150 calories

50: Fast

If anyone wants to join me we could have a little friendly competition.

Can't wait to get started!
<3 Halley

Not the way I want

I feel like I'm wasting away, but not the ay I want to.

I always feel tired these days. I don't know why either. I've been eating less but it's shit food. Like today I didn't eat until about 5:30 and it was a piece of pizza with like spinach and mushrooms on it (couldn't throw in up for some reason). So I'm not sure why I feel like such crap.

I wanna weight myself but I hate weighing too often because I feel more accomplished when I see smaller numbers on the scale. I'll wait till... Monday morning. Ugh that seems years away.

Maybe I feel like crap and I'm not reaching goals I set because I'm so fricken negative. I read all these blogs and everyone seems so up-beat and optimistic. I've never been a perky person. Maybe it' time for a change. In the name of Ana I shall be up-beat and perky from now on. Ever hear that saying "if you can fake happiness, you will become truly happy". I think thats true.

There's supposed to be a big snow storm tonight here in Michigan. Surprise surprise! Ugh so sick of the snow! But I am hoping for another snow day. That'd be nice. Gotta get all my laundry done! And vacuum my room, and scrub my hair dye stained bathroom counter and not eat. 

Wait, I was reading this book called the secret. I highly recommend it! Anyway, one chapter talks about how if you want things in a negative way the universe wont understand and will flip it around. For example in terms of weight loss, if you thought to yourself;

"I don't want to gain weight" the universe wouldn't recognize the word "don't" because it's negative so it would think you said "I want to gain weight".

Or if you said;

"I can't eat today" the universe wouldn't understand the negative word "can't" so you would most likely end up eating that day. And usually eating more than you usually would.

So basically it's just saying when you're asking the universe for something, you need to ask for it in a positive way.

For example;

"I want to lose weight"

and

"I want to starve today"

I know the last one sounds harsh lol but in my mind the word "starve"is positive especially in this sentence;

"I'm starving! I've been starving for weeks!" :)

So in this book "The Secret" there's a whole "weight loss" section. I will share it with you for free. I'll type it word for word out of the book.

The Secret and Your Body:

Let's look at using the Creative Process for those who feel they are overweight and who want to lose weight.

The first thing you need to know is that if you focus on losing weight, you will attract back having to lose more weight, so get "having to lose weight" out of your mind. It' the very reason why diets don't work. Because you are focused on losing weight, you must attract back continually having to lose weight.

The second thing to know is that the condition of being overweight was created through your thought to it. To put it in the most basic terms, if someone is overweight, it came from thinking "fat thoughts", whether that person was aware of it or not. A person cannot think "thin thoughts" and be fat. It completely defies the law of attraction. 

Whether people have been told they have a slot thyroid, a slow metabolism, or their body size is hereditary, these are all disguises for thinking "fat thoughts". If you accept any of those conditions as applicable to you, and you believe it, it must become your experience, and you will continue to attract being overweight.

After I had my two daughters I was overweight, and I know it came from listening and reading the messages that it is hard to lose weight after having a baby, and even harder after the second baby. I summoned exactly that to me with those "fat thoughts", and it became my experience. I really "beefed up", and the more I noticed how I had "beefed up", the more "beefing up" I attracted. With a small frame, I became a hefty 143 pounds, all because I was thinking "fat thoughts".

The most common thought that people hold, and I held it too, is that food was responsible for my weight gain. That is a belief that does not serve you, and in my mind now it is complete balderdash! Food is not responsible for putting on weight. It is your thought that food is responsible for putting on weight that actually has food put on weight. Remember, thoughts are primary cause of everything, and the rest is effects from those thoughts. Think perfect thoughts and the result must be perfect weight.

Let go of all those limiting thoughts. Food cannot cause you to put on weight, unless you think it can.

The definition of the perfect weight is the weight that feels good for you. No one else's opinion counts. It is the weight that feels good for you.

You most likely know of someone who is thin and eats like a horse, and they proudly declare, " I can eat whatever I want and I am always the perfect weight." And so the Genie of the universe says, "You're wish is my command!"

Ok well there's like a three step process you can follow to think thin thoughts an attract thiness and perfection but this post is sooooo long. Ill post the steps along with some thinspo tomorrow.

My fingers and eyes hurt! Probably enough blogging for tonight!

Think thin lovelies!