Dark Days

Yesterday I went to the mall with my best friend. I hate the mall. Skinny girls buying skinny clothes. Attractive guys with their arms wrapped around feathers. Ugly clothes for fat girls like me, cute 00 for perfection.

I left. I got in my car and drove. Fast. Driving away from my fears, my wishes, my tears, their prying eyes. I had never felt so ugly.

I got home and weighed myself. I broke down on the bathroom floor. Then after quite some time I picked myself up, pulled on my running shoes, braved the frosted pavement and ran. I ran for over an hour. Then I didn't eat until last night when my friend came over and made me.

I wasn't going to eat today. But I did. I didn't binge, I ate "normally" but I don't even deserve that. So tomorrow I'm starting abc over. 500 cals no more.

No quitting this time.

I will be thin.

I won't hate myself.


<3Halley

Not this again

I'm so fat! I'm not being dramatic. I feel so heavy.
I ate all weekend. With the intention off fasting this week and I haven't stopped eating. I got home at 5:30 this afternoon with nothing in my tummy... not even hungry but I havent stopped eating since... its midnight.
 Ugh!
Deffinately fasting tomorrow.

I'm getting my hair done tomorrow. And today I bought a cute dress at hot topic to wear to the fashion show in chicago in 2 weeks. It's an extra small (the small was too big :) But I feel fat in it. So 10 lbs in 2 weeks... think it can do it. Or at least be at 110. I'm probably back up to my start weight because of the last 3 days :\

I wonder if i can fast through the rest of the week?

Great news though. I'm house sitting and the fridge is stocked with heathly vegan food and a treadmill down stairs :D.

<3 Halley