500

Still on the ABC diet.
I always hate the 500 calorie days... 
It's too much. I always end up binging on these days! The other days are fine... No problem.
Like yesterday, 400 calories. It's like 9 at night and I still have 90 somthing more calories to go. 
I could've stayed at that number but the point is to trick your metabolism by eat varied amounts of calories every day. So I ate the 2 jello cups I had in my fridge which were only 10 calories each but I figured that was close enough. 
But then today came around and I thought I had reached 500 before 1 pm. I went to mcdonals for a small nonfat hot chocolate and only drank half. 
I thought I'd be fine but I freaked and looked it up and it was like 280 (for a whole cup, half would be 90) calories! Some the fuck how?! Mind you I'd already had an iced mocha (180) and a special k protein bar (110) for breakfast. 
So by 1 pm I actually only had 380 calories... but for some reason I felt defeated and went to the store after work and bought a deli meal. 
Ate it all besides the mac n cheese cuz its nasty.

Anyway tomorrow is a fasting day. :) Which is easy for me.
Trying to keep my spirits up! No more cheating this week. I think I can reach my goal weight by the end of the 50 days.

Hope everyone else is doing good with however they're trying to loose!
Stay positive!

<3 Halley

SORRY!

It's been like a week since I last blogged hasn't it? Well I'm sorry. I've been so busy with school and work and doctors appointments. Crazy week!

To catch you all up on my dieting and every thing. It's been going well but yesterday I ate a lot. The main reason being that Thursday night my mom caught me puking so Friday she took me out to lunch and watch me while I finished the small veggie pizza I ordered. But I felt awful for the rest of the day and this morning since my body isn't used to eating that kind of food anymore. 

I'm also over my calorie intake for today (200) because I was about to pass out from moving my bed. I had a hot pocket (220) and a jello cup (10). It's not that bad but still makes me feel like I'm cheating.

Also yesterday I found out I got taller in the past year.... I thought I stopped growing! I mean I'm 18 for cryin' out loud! But now I am 5'3.5. They weighed me with my clothes on and I was 123. >.< But I always weigh myself in just my underwear. But if I did weight 123, that would make my bmi 21.4. Which is still normal weight. Normal bmi is 18.5 - 25.0. So in order to be underweight (which is what I want) I'd have to weigh 105. My bmi would be 18.3.

Can't wait to weight myself Monday morning! But I'm also scared :\


<3 Halley

Am I Dying?

So I just had a bowl of mac n cheese then I freaked out and took a laxative.... I feel awefull!I'm dizzy and my stomach feels too full and I'm hot and ugh this is just not fun!

See what happens when I eat! Ugh! Add that to the list of reasons not to eat! It makes me sick! 

My hair is purple! I bought a book! I have plans tonight! I'm going to Chicago Monday! And I'm fat....fuck.


Sometimes I wish I could die and come back as a skinny ass anorexic girl.

I wish too much! Just stop eating damn!

Hope you're all having a better day and week that I am.

<3 Halley

Whaaat?

My blog has recently become a bit more popular?! Was it something I did? Hmmm. Well thank you!


Besides that, I've been trying on clothes.. I can get my legs in pacsuns 00 shorts and pull them all the way up! But I can't zip them up yet. 

I had breakfast today but I'm fasting for the rest of today and tomorrow and weighing myself monday morning! I've begun to love and dread stepping on the scale...

Feeling kinda sick so I'll post more tomorrow!

<3Halley

Stuck to my tounge...

Not in a blogging mood cause I'm fat and living with my lovely mother again... yay! no

Day 2! Again!

Yesterday went as planed. I still had about 50 calories to spare by the time I went to bed. Also I ran on the treadmill for 10 minutes which only burned 124 cals but hey better then nothing yeah?

It's breakfast time and I am a beautiful 35 calories. For some reason my stomach hurts. I doubt I could get much else down besides that rice cake.

I'm also super tired because I didn't take a shower this morning. Gross! Eh, maybe but I'm getting my hair bleached and if it's a little greasy it's less likely to be too badly damaged.

Did I ever say something about putting up pictures of myself? Well if I did... I obviously haven't. Trust me, you don't wanna see this tub of lard. I can barely stand the sight of myself. I feel bad for others who have to look at me everyday. So maybe when I get to 110 I'll put one or two up.

Ugh! It's a blue monster morning for sure!

Oh yeah, day 2 is another 500 cal day so it'll be easy. It'll be really easy considering the state of my poor tummy.

<3 Halley

Day 1! Again!

So I didn't mention that it only took 3 days to get back to my start weight... ok a pound over my start weight. I was 124 this morning. I really hate myself lately. I can have control if I try.

Today's been good so far. Easy. But I can have 500 cals... that's a lot. I've turned down food multiple times. It's only 5 pm and I only have about 50 cals to spare. My munchy time is usually around 9pm so if I cant handle it I have some 35 calorie rice cakes to much on while I stand in front of a mirror.

I'm so sick of restarting so this time... I'm not giving myself a choice. I will be thin. In 50 days.... I will be at 100 because there will be no breaks no cheating. The only reason I would get off track would be to fast an extra day. I love going the extra mile.

If I keep myself busy then it's not hard. If I don't have friends over who feel the need to eat whenever people are together, I will be ok. Why is it that there has to be food when people come together??? I don't get it.

The blue monster lo carb energy drink... holy shit... I'm in love. 20 cals in a 16 oz can :)

thats all for now... wish me luck tonight

<3 Halley