So I just had a bowl of mac n cheese then I freaked out and took a laxative.... I feel awefull!I'm dizzy and my stomach feels too full and I'm hot and ugh this is just not fun!
See what happens when I eat! Ugh! Add that to the list of reasons not to eat! It makes me sick!
My hair is purple! I bought a book! I have plans tonight! I'm going to Chicago Monday! And I'm fat....fuck.
Sometimes I wish I could die and come back as a skinny ass anorexic girl.
I wish too much! Just stop eating damn!
Hope you're all having a better day and week that I am.
<3 Halley
Saturday, March 9, 2013
Whaaat?
My blog has recently become a bit more popular?! Was it something I did? Hmmm. Well thank you!
Besides that, I've been trying on clothes.. I can get my legs in pacsuns 00 shorts and pull them all the way up! But I can't zip them up yet.
I had breakfast today but I'm fasting for the rest of today and tomorrow and weighing myself monday morning! I've begun to love and dread stepping on the scale...
Feeling kinda sick so I'll post more tomorrow!
<3Halley
Besides that, I've been trying on clothes.. I can get my legs in pacsuns 00 shorts and pull them all the way up! But I can't zip them up yet.
I had breakfast today but I'm fasting for the rest of today and tomorrow and weighing myself monday morning! I've begun to love and dread stepping on the scale...
Feeling kinda sick so I'll post more tomorrow!
<3Halley
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
Stuck to my tounge...
Not in a blogging mood cause I'm fat and living with my lovely mother again... yay! no
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
Day 2! Again!
Yesterday went as planed. I still had about 50 calories to spare by the time I went to bed. Also I ran on the treadmill for 10 minutes which only burned 124 cals but hey better then nothing yeah?
It's breakfast time and I am a beautiful 35 calories. For some reason my stomach hurts. I doubt I could get much else down besides that rice cake.
I'm also super tired because I didn't take a shower this morning. Gross! Eh, maybe but I'm getting my hair bleached and if it's a little greasy it's less likely to be too badly damaged.
Did I ever say something about putting up pictures of myself? Well if I did... I obviously haven't. Trust me, you don't wanna see this tub of lard. I can barely stand the sight of myself. I feel bad for others who have to look at me everyday. So maybe when I get to 110 I'll put one or two up.
Ugh! It's a blue monster morning for sure!
Oh yeah, day 2 is another 500 cal day so it'll be easy. It'll be really easy considering the state of my poor tummy.
<3 Halley
It's breakfast time and I am a beautiful 35 calories. For some reason my stomach hurts. I doubt I could get much else down besides that rice cake.
I'm also super tired because I didn't take a shower this morning. Gross! Eh, maybe but I'm getting my hair bleached and if it's a little greasy it's less likely to be too badly damaged.
Did I ever say something about putting up pictures of myself? Well if I did... I obviously haven't. Trust me, you don't wanna see this tub of lard. I can barely stand the sight of myself. I feel bad for others who have to look at me everyday. So maybe when I get to 110 I'll put one or two up.
Ugh! It's a blue monster morning for sure!
Oh yeah, day 2 is another 500 cal day so it'll be easy. It'll be really easy considering the state of my poor tummy.
<3 Halley
Monday, March 4, 2013
Day 1! Again!
So I didn't mention that it only took 3 days to get back to my start weight... ok a pound over my start weight. I was 124 this morning. I really hate myself lately. I can have control if I try.
Today's been good so far. Easy. But I can have 500 cals... that's a lot. I've turned down food multiple times. It's only 5 pm and I only have about 50 cals to spare. My munchy time is usually around 9pm so if I cant handle it I have some 35 calorie rice cakes to much on while I stand in front of a mirror.
I'm so sick of restarting so this time... I'm not giving myself a choice. I will be thin. In 50 days.... I will be at 100 because there will be no breaks no cheating. The only reason I would get off track would be to fast an extra day. I love going the extra mile.
If I keep myself busy then it's not hard. If I don't have friends over who feel the need to eat whenever people are together, I will be ok. Why is it that there has to be food when people come together??? I don't get it.
The blue monster lo carb energy drink... holy shit... I'm in love. 20 cals in a 16 oz can :)
thats all for now... wish me luck tonight
<3 Halley
Today's been good so far. Easy. But I can have 500 cals... that's a lot. I've turned down food multiple times. It's only 5 pm and I only have about 50 cals to spare. My munchy time is usually around 9pm so if I cant handle it I have some 35 calorie rice cakes to much on while I stand in front of a mirror.
I'm so sick of restarting so this time... I'm not giving myself a choice. I will be thin. In 50 days.... I will be at 100 because there will be no breaks no cheating. The only reason I would get off track would be to fast an extra day. I love going the extra mile.
If I keep myself busy then it's not hard. If I don't have friends over who feel the need to eat whenever people are together, I will be ok. Why is it that there has to be food when people come together??? I don't get it.
The blue monster lo carb energy drink... holy shit... I'm in love. 20 cals in a 16 oz can :)
thats all for now... wish me luck tonight
<3 Halley
Sunday, March 3, 2013
Dark Days
Yesterday I went to the mall with my best friend. I hate the mall. Skinny girls buying skinny clothes. Attractive guys with their arms wrapped around feathers. Ugly clothes for fat girls like me, cute 00 for perfection.
I left. I got in my car and drove. Fast. Driving away from my fears, my wishes, my tears, their prying eyes. I had never felt so ugly.
I got home and weighed myself. I broke down on the bathroom floor. Then after quite some time I picked myself up, pulled on my running shoes, braved the frosted pavement and ran. I ran for over an hour. Then I didn't eat until last night when my friend came over and made me.
I wasn't going to eat today. But I did. I didn't binge, I ate "normally" but I don't even deserve that. So tomorrow I'm starting abc over. 500 cals no more.
No quitting this time.
I will be thin.
I won't hate myself.
<3Halley
I left. I got in my car and drove. Fast. Driving away from my fears, my wishes, my tears, their prying eyes. I had never felt so ugly.
I got home and weighed myself. I broke down on the bathroom floor. Then after quite some time I picked myself up, pulled on my running shoes, braved the frosted pavement and ran. I ran for over an hour. Then I didn't eat until last night when my friend came over and made me.
I wasn't going to eat today. But I did. I didn't binge, I ate "normally" but I don't even deserve that. So tomorrow I'm starting abc over. 500 cals no more.
No quitting this time.
I will be thin.
I won't hate myself.
<3Halley
Friday, March 1, 2013
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